BREAKING: Progressive Journalists Vow to Stop Covering Child Sex Trafficking to Avoid Spreading ‘Right-Wing QAnon Conspiracies’

Members of the press have finally decided to get their priorities straight.

Photo by Katie Gerrard on Unsplash

New York City, New York – In a remarkable display of their commitment to journalistic integrity, a group of progressive journalists has made a groundbreaking decision: they will cease covering child sex trafficking altogether. These reporters believe this will help them protect the world from the perilous spread of "QAnon right-wing conspiracy theories” in the entertainment industry and social media.

Journalists with several high-profile establishment and digital media outlets have vowed to stop covering issues related to child sex trafficking, or other types of human trafficking. They argue that by refusing to report on these matters, they are taking a brave stand against conservative bigots saying things they don’t like on social media. Some indicated that sacrificing the potential to shed light on a pressing issue is worth the risk.

“If we have to let a few more kids get sold into slavery and abused, then it’s worth it. said Greg Tarrio, a media consultant for a local New York City radio show. “If we can stop the spread of misinformation and right-wing conspiracy theories in the culture, then I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.”

In an exclusive interview with one of the progressive journalists leading the charge, The Smattering asked about the rationale behind this bizarre decision. The reporter, who insisted on anonymity, explained, "We have to prioritize. Yes, child sex trafficking is terrible, but have you seen what those right-wing QAnon folks have been saying on Twitter? It's wild! We can't risk giving their outlandish ideas any platform even if it means potentially saving children from sexual abuse."

This development comes amid widespread debate over the movie “Sound of Freedom.” Many on the left have made the dubious claim that the film promotes conspiracy theories championed by QAnon, a movement that thrives off these ideas.

While most might argue that raising awareness about child sex trafficking is crucial for combating it effectively, these progressive journalists beg to differ. “I understand the concerns,” said Sally Schmidt. “Nobody wants to see children getting hurt. But you know what else they don’t want to see? Weirdo conspiracy theories about Joe Biden and his crackhead son. We have to get our priorities straight.”

To further this agenda, these journalists have developed a strategy to redirect their coverage. Instead of reporting on child sex trafficking and other important problems, they plan to focus on topics that truly matter to their audience. “We want to focus on the latest fashion trends, avocado toast recipes, and, of course, the riveting, never-ending drama of reality TV shows,” said Kurt Grant, a CNN producer.

"We're really excited about this new direction," one journalist enthusiastically shared. "Yes, the trafficking issue is a thing, and we are so sorry that more kids will probably be hurt because we want to avoid dealing with it, but look at it this way: Wouldn’t you prefer to hear more about the debate over Nicki Minaj’s Barbie wig?”

While critics may argue that abandoning the coverage of child sex trafficking is irresponsible and morally suspect, these progressive journalists remain steadfast in their commitment to fighting the QAnon dragons lurking around every corner.

President Joe Biden also chimed in on the matter during a conversation with The Smattering. “Human trafficking? Oh yeah, I hate human trafficking,” he said. “That’s why I always took the Amtrak into DC back when I was a Supreme Court judge. Could you imagine driving all that way? C’mon man!”