BREAKING: Progressives Launch Campaign to Buy Every Black Man an AR-15 to Scare Republicans into Supporting Gun Control

Interesting strategy. Will it work?

Photo by STNGR Industries on Unsplash

Portland, Oregon — Progressive activists concerned about gun violence are launching a campaign to drum up the support they need to pass more restrictive gun laws. The group plans to purchase an AR-15 for every eligible black American to scare Republicans into backing stricter regulations on firearms.

“We’ve known for a long time that racist Republicans are terrified at the thought of black men owning guns,” said Shelby Harris, chief operating officer of “Unpull the Trigger,” a non-profit anti-gun group. “By making sure every black man has a rifle, we can finally get Republicans to support universal background checks, gun buybacks, and confiscation of assault weapons.”

Dubbed the "Scare the Racists Straight" initiative, this controversial proposal is intended to get Republican politicians and their conservative constituents on board with the effort to limit gun ownership as much as possible.

“It’s a really exciting project,” said Tiffany Petit. “When these racist rednecks see video after video of black men shooting assault weapons at the range and carrying them in public, they’ll get on the phone immediately to tell their Congressperson to support more gun control pronto!”

The underlying belief is that the mere thought of black people exercising their Second Amendment rights will cause conservatives to abandon their principles faster than you can say: "Look out for that black dude with a Glock!"

The mastermind behind this brilliant scheme, activist and president of “Unpull the Trigger,” Jeremy Lassiter, explains the rationale: "We've seen how gun control discussions consistently hit a roadblock when it comes to appealing to racist Republicans. So, we decided to take a different approach. We're going to give them a taste of their own medicine, but instead of using dog whistles and fear-mongering, we'll just arm black Americans and watch them squirm!"

"We've done our research," Lassiter chuckled, "and it turns out racist Republicans have a long-standing fear of black people with guns. Who knew? It's like playing on their deepest insecurities and letting them see the world through a reversed lens. We're not just shaking up politics; we're shaking up their preconceived notions of who should have the right to bear arms!"

He added: “The answer is: Nobody should have the right to bear arms!”

When asked about the research the group has conducted about Republican attitudes towards black men with guns, he told The Smattering that it involved “at least three hours on social media and a few hours of MSNBC.”

I asked if he had actually had conversations with folks on the right to gauge their opinions. “Eww, no way. Why would I do that? Rachel Maddow tells me everything I need to know about those people,” Lassiter spurted.

But what happens after they pass sweeping gun control measures and millions of black men own AR-15s? The group has an answer for that.

“Basically, we will pass a law prohibiting assault weapons, including AR-15s, which means we can send police to summarily round up any of our black beneficiaries who have not turned in their rifles and throw them in prison,” said Lorna Kaye, Unpull the Trigger’s communications director. “I mean, you didn’t think we would let those people keep their guns, did you?”