‘Colorblind’ Conservatives’ in Louisiana Propose Changing the Definition of ‘Black’

Photo by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash

Baton Rouge, Louisiana — Republicans in Louisiana are attempting to change the definition of “blackness” to prevent the courts from ruling against their redistricting maps. This move comes after the courts ruled that the maps were drawn in a way that dilutes the voting strength of black residents.

In response, the state’s GOP is trying to persuade the Supreme Court to adopt a narrower view of what it means to be black. “I mean, I’m as colorblind as they come, but we can’t have these people being overcounted,” said a party official.

Another complained that Republicans don’t typically get a say in how to define blackness. “I mean, Joe Biden gets to define blackness, but white Republicans don’t? Doesn’t seem fair to me,” he grumbled.

An insider with the state Republican party told The Smattering that he believes Democrats are engaging in a bizarre form of subterfuge to make it appear as if there are more black people in Louisiana than reality suggests. “I heard from a reliable source that white Democrats are showing up at the polls in blackface to inflate black numbers,” he whispered.

A Lousiana GOP staffer indicated that some in the state party are considering stationing people at the polls to test each black voter to make sure they aren’t less-melanated individuals “trying to pull a Ralph Northam.”

“We have to be sure there is no cheating going on, and we wouldn’t put it past Democrats to trying something like this,” she said. “We will just have some people rub their foreheads a little to make sure they aren’t white liberals in disguise.”

Note: Check out the story this satire is based on…it’s more true than it seems.