Herschel Walker Blames Senate Loss on 'Anti-Werewolf Bigotry'
Is America ready for an elected official who happens to turn into a wolf at night?
Atlanta, Georgia — The results are in and Sen. Raphael Warnock has been re-elected to represent Georgia in the Senate. His challenger, NFL legend and outspoken werewolf Herschel Walker ran a fierce campaign but was unable to garner the support needed to unseat his opponent.
Some are already blaming voter fraud for Walker’s loss, but his campaign believes this outcome was motivated by something else: Anti-werewolf bigotry.
“We knew this would be an issue when Walker first outed himself as a werewolf,” said Mallory Blount, his campaign’s communication director. “It is rather unfortunate that in 2022, anti-werewolf hate is still pervasive in the culture.”
Last month, Walker raised eyebrows during a campaign stop when he publicly acknowledged that he is a werewolf and seemed to encourage violence against vampires. “I don’t know if you know, but vampires are some cool people, are they not? But let me tell you something that I found out: a werewolf can kill a vampire,” he quipped.
The vampire community took umbrage at Walker’s comments, insisting all monsters are created equal and that the NFL legend should not be inciting werewolf-on-vampire violence.
“Vampires already have it tough as it is without questionable canines like Walker running around talking about werewolves killing us,” said Alucard, a vampire rights advocate. “I think he should apologize.
But it appears Walker’s comments were not as much of an issue as his penchant for transforming into a feral beast and creeping around in the wilderness every time there is a full moon. “I think the problem is that America is not ready for an openly-lycanthropic senator,” said a campaign aide.”
Some told The Smattering that as the election results came in, reports of loud howling were heard at the Walker residence when it became clear Warnock would be the victor.
While anti-werewolf bigotry appears to have played a key role in Walker’s loss, desperate Republicans have blamed podcaster and CEO of the FCB Podcast Network Darvio Morrow for the outcome. Indeed, many on the right suggest he deserves the lion’s share of the blame, which has many confused because he was not involved in the Georgia race.
“This is absolute garbage,” Morrow told The Smattering. “I don’t even live in Georgia, nor do I know Herschel Walker. Maybe the GOP should pull itself up by its bootstraps and take responsibility for this bullsh*t.”
“We already have enough monsters in Congress. We don’t need to worry about some man-wolf stalking members of Congress in D.C. at night,” he argued.
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