Kamala Harris Taps Civil Rights Lawyer Benjamin Crump as Running Mate
Will Kamala Harris' gamble pay off?
Vice President Kamala Harris, who is favored to become the Democrats’ presidential nominee, has selected civil rights attorney Benjamin Crump as her running mate in a highly anticipated announcement.
Sources close to the Harris campaign told The Smattering that Harris is hoping to balance out her record as a prosecutor who locked black Americans up for possessing marijuana. “Yeah, it’s a bad look, for sure. But who better to partner with Kamala than someone who actually fights for black people wronged by the system?” said campaign staffer Anthony Temple.
"Sure, I’ve locked up a few blacks for marijuana in my time, but now I've got Benjamin Crump on my team,” Harris said while announcing her decision at a press conference. "I figured, what better way to show that I care about black and brown communities than to pick a black guy who's practically made a career out of suing the system I used to be a part of?"
She added: "This way, when the Republicans try to attack me for locking up too many black men, I can just point to my running mate and be like, 'Yeah, well, he's been fighting for those same guys his whole career, so suck on that!'"
Harris’ decision has received mixed reactions from prominent figures on the left and right.
“I was already voting for her because she’s black and I’m black. I owe her that. But this move actually makes me excited to pull the lever for Harris,” said MSNBC’s Joy Reid.
Actor Mark Ruffalo echoed Reid’s sentiments. “I was already going to vote for her because she’s black and I don’t want to be racist. But now that Crump is running with her, it’s like double the antiracism! Wait ‘till I tell my friends at the country club about this!” he yelped.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a fan of grand symbolic gestures, was equally enthusiastic. “This is exactly the kind of move we need to show that we are serious about criminal justice reform,” she said. “Sure, Kamala locked up black men for marijuana, but now she’s picked a guy who defends them. It’s all about balance.”
On the other side of the aisle, Republicans, predictably, were quick to pounce. Conservative media personality Tucker Carlson sneered, “Kamala Harris choosing Benjamin Crump is just more of the same DEI nonsense. They’re pandering to the woke mob with a lawyer who makes his living off critical race theory.”
When asked to define “DEI” and “critical race theory,” Carlson shouted and pointed, “Look over there!” and sprinted to his car while our backs were turned.
Conservative YouTuber Brandon Tatum told The Smattering he was surpisingly optimistic about Harris’ nomination. “I mean, she’s shown great promise when it comes to locking up black folks even though I think her other policies are communist,” she said. “But picking Crump shows she isn’t serious about law and order or backing the blue.”
“I mean, this is supposed to be the White House. Not the Urban League,” he added.
Some Republicans were disappointed by the selection because it hampers their backup plan if Harris wins the election in November. “We were planning to immediately impeach her,” said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. “Now we can’t because we definitely don’t want President Crump.”
“Yeah, Harris choosing Crump really throws a monkey wrench into their plans,” said Rep. Eric Swalwell. “Wait a minute, I didn’t mean ‘monkey’ in a racist way. Can we take that part out?”