Pennsylvania Democrats Plan to Mitigate Political Damage From Fetterman/Oz Debate By Pretending It Never Happened
Debate? What debate?
Harrisburg, PA - With less than two weeks until the midterms, Pennsylvania Democrats have settled on a recovery plan for Tuesday night's Senate debate between John Fetterman and Dr. Mehmet Oz. The plan is simple. There was no debate.
“If nobody talks about it, it didn't happen. That's just science,” a senior party official told The Smattering from inside a supply closet.
The memo
A three-line memo circulated to staff on Wednesday morning gives campaign workers approved answers for questions about the evening. They are, in full:
- “Debate? What debate?”
- “I don't recall a stage, a podium or Dr. Oz. Are you sure you weren't dreaming?”
- “Next question, and I would be very careful with that one.”
“People forget things all the time. Our whole field program is built on it.”
Field test
A volunteer who knocked on doors in Bucks County reported that the strategy was working “for about ninety seconds at a time.” Voters who had watched the debate tended to bring it up again, at which point the volunteer would point at the sky and run.
When our reporter pressed a campaign aide on whether the approach could work for two whole weeks, the aide produced a pocket watch on a chain and swung it slowly in front of the reporter's face. “There was no debate,” he whispered. “You are feeling very, very relaxed.”
The reporter has no memory of the rest of the interview.
The view from Washington
Asked about the debate at a White House event, the President said he did not remember any debate. Aides declined to say whether he was following the memo or simply being honest.
