Texas Democrats Claim Man Who Threw Seltzer Can at Ted Cruz Was His 'Gay Lover'
"How do we know the guy WASN'T Ted Cruz's jilted gay boyfriend?"
Houston, Texas — Democrats on social media are speculating that there is more to the incident involving a local man throwing a seltzer can at Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) during a Monday parade celebrating the Houston Astros’ World Series victory.
Left-leaning influencers are claiming that this latest act of violence against a high-profile politician is actually the result of a gay affair gone wrong. Certain local progressive news outlets claimed the man who threw the projective was in his underwear at the time of the incident.
“I am firmly convinced that the man who hurled the White Claw can at Cruz has been involved in a romantic affair with him,” said a local Democratic staffer.
“I mean, it’s White Claw. What straight man would dare to drink White Claw in public?” he asked.
Others have cited the lack of information being made available about the alleged assailant.
“Why isn’t the Houston Police Department releasing any more information on this guy? I think it’s only fair to ask questions about their relationship,” said a Texas Democratic Party official.
Others have pointed to the lack of comprehensive footage documenting the encounter. “Why is it that the only clip available is the ten seconds in which the guy throws the can?” asked Lori Haines, a local progressive activist. “There can be only one answer: The footage would reveal that the guy was secretly carrying on an affair with Cruz, and Republicans are covering it up.”
Some suggested that an even deeper look into the matter is necessary to understand the entire scope of the matter.
“Detectives who worked on the Zodiac killer case believed he was a latent homosexual,” said Marvin Patrick, a leftist blogger based in Austin. “We all know Cruz is the Zodiac killer, so this totally tracks.”
But not everyone agrees that there is more to this story. In fact, Republicans have questioned the possibility that the incident was the result of a jilted gay lover trying to get revenge.
“This is absolute nonsense,” said a Texas Republican Party official. “There is no evidence whatsoever that this guy was Cruz’s gay lover. Now, if Cruz was a Democrat, I might be more inclined to believe this theory.”
“Ted Cruz a Republican. Therefore, I have absolutely no reason not to completely trust the media’s narrative about this encounter,” said Herbert Paul, a right-leaning radio talk show host.
The suspect was released on bail after Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly paid the bond out of her own pocket.